The War Priest Page 17

  Normally, she would call out and invite the other woman to join her, but something in Renna’s demeanor made Joss hesitate. Renna moved quickly, head down, shoulders hunched, and she glanced from side to side, constantly scanning as if she feared getting caught. People who acted like that usually had some reason for the secrecy, and with her usual impulsiveness, she slid into stalking mode, shadowing Renna with the reflexive skill that came from being a cat.

  The other woman headed for the doors that led to the staging area. She’s sneaking out? But before Renna got there, Garven greeted her and she jerked her head up, forcing a smile. That flirty bear chatted her up for a good five minutes, and by the time the conversation ended, Renna seemed to have thought better of her errand. She changed directions and headed for the chapel instead.

  Wonder what that was about.

  Joss was late now, though, and she heard about it when she dashed into the caf and grabbed a plate. Meals were more sparing now, less meat, as the hunting parties weren’t going out, and even if they did, it was damn likely that the Golgoth invaders had already decimated the local wildlife. The land couldn’t support the hold, plus a conquering army for too long. Something had to give.

  “Too busy glorying in your fanbase to show up on time?” Trini teased.

  “Sorry, I’m easily distracted.” She didn’t say by what, mostly because she wasn’t sure what she had witnessed.

  The direct method would be to ask Renna about it, but based on the other woman’s behavior, Joss didn’t feel confident that she’d get an honest answer. Pensive, she ate her food on automatic while Trini and Emilia discussed the deferral of battle.

  “It was the safe choice,” Trini was saying.

  Emilia sighed. “I agree with you, but I can’t help feeling we’ll regret this caution. When the Gols hit us with a bigger force and they’ve got supplies to last the whole damn summer, we’ll be sorry we didn’t take the fight to them.”

  “Em. Callum values our lives. That’s why he didn’t throw everything into a full assault. It could be a trap, you know.”

  “I know that, I do. But…I just want this to be over.”

  “So do I, love.” Trini reached over and set her hand on the nape of Emilia’s neck, rubbing gently.

  “We all do, but I don’t want to sing at any more memorials, either,” Joss said. “Callum is doing his best, and if you trust him—”

  “That’s the thing,” Emilia cut in. “We barely know him. His family left Burnt Amber a long time ago, he lived in Bright’s Landing, and he didn’t visit Beren often after he joined the order. You’re asking us to put our faith in someone who’s an unproven quantity.”

  She’d never thought of it in those terms before. While she tended to take Callum’s side, the soldier’s points made sense. “I get it. That explains the tension, especially with supplies running low.”

  Trini closed her eyes, as if she didn’t need the reminder. “We’re not on porridge and water yet, but we’re not self-sustaining. Burnt Amber relies on trade.”

  “It doesn’t help that Callum is always closeted with the abbot or the brothers. I don’t think he even cares about us,” Emilia muttered.

  Here, Joss chose her words with care, aware that she had no overt authority to speak for him. Hell, their connection was still tenuous as hell, but she had to try. “He’s not used to being around people. Life is different in the order, and his people skills…” Well, they’re terrible. That didn’t seem like the right thing to say when she was trying to win hearts to his cause. “They’ve gotten rusty.”

  “Yeah, his default mode is ‘scowl’ with occasional upgrades to ‘loud,’” Trini said with a rueful shake of her head.

  “He cares, he just feels very lost right now, I think.”

  Emilia swapped significant looks with Trini. “Seems like you’ve spent a fair amount of time analyzing our clan chief.”

  Joss casually crammed a large bite into her mouth, hoping she didn’t look nervous. “I’m an observant person.”

  Thankfully, Emilia let that go because she wanted to keep complaining. “Well, if that’s true, and he really does give a damn, why hasn’t he called a single forum since he took leadership?”

  While she didn’t know that much about how the bears ran Burnt Amber, she guessed that was a hold meeting, where citizens could air their concerns and express their opinions, confident that leadership would take all views into account before making a major decision. “Maybe he didn’t know he was supposed to. Has anyone mentioned it to him?”

  Trini shrugged. “I have no idea. Callum spends the most time with Jere, but I can’t say if they brought it up.”

  “Things have been… hectic,” Emilia allowed.

  She scraped her plate, ate the last of her food, then said, “You can’t have it both ways, saying that you barely know him and then complaining that he’s unfamiliar with your customs. If the former is true, someone should teach him how Beren did things.”

  “Or someone else could lead,” Trini said.

  “If you have a candidate, I suspect Callum would be willing to step down. He’s not power hungry.”

  At that, Emilia shook her head. “Nobody else wants to. We’re in a hell of a mess, and I do have some nerve whining about how he’s doing when at least he had the courage to try.”

  “Better communication will improve matters.” Hoping she hadn’t already said too much, Joss added, “Would you like me to mention the meeting the next time I talk to him?”

  Not like I have any idea when that will be.

  Trini grinned, her white teeth flashing. “That would be fantastic.”

  What the hell, might as well go all-in. “Is there anything else he should know that people have been afraid to tell him?”

  After appearing to consider, Emilia answered, “That’s enough, I think. Anything else can be covered in the official forum. Do you mind if I spread the word? Folks will be so excited to learn that Callum intends to continue with the old ways.”

  “Maybe don’t add that last part yet. I can’t guarantee what will happen when I broach the topic.”

  Trini laughed. “You mean he might throw shit at you and tell you to mind your own business?”

  Joss hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but Callum had been panicked when he ran up to her and prevented her from saying something incriminating to the abbot. What was worse, she still didn’t know if he’d spoken to the old man about their relationship. She could use better communication from him as well, dammit.

  “She looks mad enough to fight him if he tries,” Emilia said.

  Okay, that’s getting too close.

  “Lunch was fun, but I need to rehearse a little before tonight. I’ll see what I can do and get back to you, all right?”

  “Then I won’t say anything until I hear from you,” Emilia decided.

  Since Trini was still eating dessert—and who knew how much longer sweets would be on offer—she left the two women in the cafeteria and hurried out. Not so much to find Callum but to avoid them starting to speculate why she was so willing to serve as a liaison. Hell if I even know what I’d say.

  Instead of going to Nayan’s club, she went to her room to hibernate a bit. Wasn’t that such a bear thing to do? Being in Burnt Amber had certainly changed her, though she wasn’t sure if it was for the better. The old Joss would have sought Callum out and demanded an explanation for his silence.

  Current Joss didn’t dare.

  Callum was weary down to his bones.

  In between security checks and hold concerns, Abbott Ambari had him fasting and reciting penance to show he understood the severity of his request. Since he wanted his removal from the order to occur with as little rancor as possible, he acceded to the abbot’s requests. Consequently, Callum hadn’t eaten or slept in almost forty-eight hours, and he was starting to hallucinate.

  Near midnight on the third day after he started what he was privately calling ‘the trial’, he found himself outside Joss’s door
with no recollection of having walked this way instead of up the stairs to his own room. What the hell. Softly, he knocked, knowing this wasn’t wise. He’d avoided her to keep the abbot from denying his petition out of irritation at Callum’s impatience, but damn, he needed to see her, hear her voice. More than food or sleep, he needed Joss.

  When she opened the door a few moments later, her eyes widened as she scanned him from head to toe. “You look like hell.”

  “Feel like it too, kit. May I come in?”

  “Only if you plan to explain why you vanished on me.”

  Wordless, he nodded, and she stepped back so he could pass into her space. She closed the door behind him and folded her arms, not offering him a seat. It seemed like she was good and pissed over his silence. And she had a right to be. In her shoes, he would feel the same way, a sea of uncertainty churning inside him.

  Succinctly, he explained as best he could and closed with, “In all likelihood, it was unwise to come to you before the abbot makes a decision, but I couldn’t stay away any longer.”

  The firm line of her mouth softened into a smile, and her green eyes shone like gemstones even before she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him. He groaned as he cuddled her close, the warmth of her body sinking into him like a sedative. Callum rested his cheek against the top of her head, closing his eyes to breathe her in.

  “You must be starving,” she said.

  “Doesn’t matter. You’re worth it.”

  The truth was, it was tough for an Animari to fast, as their accelerated metabolisms chewed through energy quickly anyway, even more if they were shifting. At this point, he was running on determination. If the abbot didn’t relent soon, Callum would begin digesting his own muscle to survive.

  “I have some snacks, fruit and crackers I brought from the caf. You sure that you don’t want anything?”

  Briefly tempted, at length he shook his head. “Just you. Can I stay for a while?”

  “Of course. I need to talk to you anyway.” She led him over the chair and he settled into it, feeling a thousand years old. The long day brightened a bit when she settled onto his lap and curved a hand around his neck, working the muscles until he moaned in appreciation. She was so tactile; possibly it came from being a cat, but she always wanted her hands on him, and he was starting to think he might die if she ever tired of him.

  Eyes half-shut, Callum listened as Joss recounted a conversation she’d had with Trini and Emilia, and when she finished, he sighed. “Fuck,” was all he said initially.

  “I was right, wasn’t I? You had no idea that Beren used to hold forums to listen to various viewpoints.” As she spoke, she kept playing him, fingers pressing on the nape of his neck, as if he was a piano, and she was unconsciously running scales.

  On some level, it pleased him to be her favorite song. Goddess willing, she’d want to play him for the rest of his life. Pleasure washed over him, not arousal; he was too exhausted and hungry for that, but on a deeper level, warming him from the inside out, down deep in a place that had known only stillness and silence. For some, that equaled inner peace, but for Callum, it signified profound loneliness, a hole that had never been filled. Now, that deep and empty space echoed with the taps of her fingers, a melody bright enough to illuminate his solitary soul.

  Gods, that feels good.

  Blearily he realized she was waiting for a response. “No, I’d no notion. They don’t tell me anything, just scurry off when I’m wearing a dark look.”

  “That’s your default,” she teased.

  “And well I know it. You’re the only one who…” What could he even say? There was no adequate way to express how he felt, but he was parched earth to her spring rain, eagerly soaking her in, hoping that life could return.

  “Isn’t afraid of your bluster?”

  “Close enough,” he muttered. “I hope the next time I come to you, kit, it won’t need to be a secret. And I’ll have the right to stay…” Here, he paused, and nuzzled a kiss into the soft hollow of her throat. “And show you exactly what you mean to me.”

  She let out a sound that went straight through him. His cock tried to stand, got halfway there, despite his exhaustion. “I’m looking forward to that,” she said.

  Joss cupped his cheek in her hand, and Callum rubbed his face against her palm as if he was the cat. Then she set her mouth on his, the softest whisper of a kiss, nuzzling inward with tender brushes of lips, until his toes curled in his work boots. She kissed him with such care, like he was a fragile treasure. Nobody had ever made him feel this way, helpless and trembling, just letting her kiss him, as his breath came soft and fast. She tasted of apples, sweet and tart at the same time, and he moaned into her mouth as her tongue grazed his, all sly and seeking. He could have kissed her for a thousand years, but he didn’t take control, letting her set the pace and do all the exploring. When she pulled back, she kissed the tip of his nose, and his whole body went hot at the sweetness of the gesture.

  “I’ve missed kissing,” he said huskily.

  “I missed you. Couldn’t you have slipped a note under my door or something? I know we can’t send messages, but—”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I was inconsiderate. Truth is, I’m not used to being accountable to anyone besides the abbot. Please be patient with me while I remember how to do this.” He kissed her forehead, noting the corona of light swirling about her.

  That can’t be good.

  He shook his head, blinking hard, until the world came back into focus. Joss’s face was very close, so much that he could see the flecks in her eyes, gold and blue, with a darker green ring around the iris. Her lashes matched her hair, a deep red so dark that it lacked fire until the light hit it. She blinked slowly, smiling so slightly that only someone who studied her like a post-graduate course would have caught the shift in her expression.

  “Are you back with me?”

  “Maybe I’d better have something to eat after all. I don’t see how I’ll function tomorrow otherwise.”

  She hopped off and his lap and returned with a whole apple and a packet of crackers. “Eat up, I’ll make you some tea.”

  This was all so foreign to him and so domestic that his imagination flashed, envisioning them in one of the family units. Callum didn’t know if she could cook, but if not, he’d stand at the stove, gazing at her with dreamy appreciation while he put together their meal. Afterward, they’d talk about how the day went, maybe read together for a while, and then—

  “Callum? Here you go.” She handed him a hot drink before he could conjure a fully lurid fantasy.

  “Thanks, kit.”

  Joss perched on the arm of his chair as he ate, slowly, to spool out these stolen moments as long as possible. When he sighed, she asked, “Is something bothering you? I mean more than usual.”

  “You could say that. The officers are pushing to send a scout to track Gol movements and report on what they’re doing. But it’s a high-risk mission, and—”

  “I’ll go,” she said at once. “I’ve done stealth recon before, and the worst cat scout is better than the best bear at going unseen.”

  Fear clenched like a fist around his heart, and he started to refuse. Under no circumstances could he risk her. Not Joss.

  The most damnable part in this hellish coil? She was right.

  19.

  The darkness swallowed Joss as she slipped out of the secret entrance in bobcat form.

  Nothing stirred or disturbed the creatures she could hear chattering in the distant trees. Her own passage silenced them briefly but the wildlife could tell that she was hunting bigger prey. It had been a long time since she went on patrol, not since before the bombing, and even then, the stakes had never been so high, practice runs, not life or death.

  She had no backup either. No access to a phone, no way to call for help.

  Don’t think about it. Failure isn’t an option.

  Worrying would only bring on a panic attack, and she couldn’t af
ford for that to happen. Fear might get her killed. Animari didn’t go down easily, but enough Gol attackers could pull her to pieces, and there was no healing damage like that. And I’m doing it again. Keeping to the trees, she banished the horrific images from her mind and followed the strong smell.

  The entire Golgoth troop was on the move. Not a feint. They can’t have suddenly given up, so what’s the new mission?

  On quiet paws, she padded after them, careful to stay in the shadows, as the enemy might have left sentries or traps to guard their retreat. Joss wished her geography was better, but she’d devoted most of her attention to music. Consequently, she barely knew what was inside Ash Valley borders and certainly couldn’t remember old lessons about Burnt Amber with so much stress tapping on the back of her head.

  Callum had argued that he could send one of the cats from the order, but none of them had Joss’s experience with stealth missions. When he’d lost that argument, Callum offered to come with her, but that defeated the purpose of deploying the skill of a feline scout. Eventually, Joss won the battle and he agreed she was the best person for the job, but the situation terrified her.

  Winter was finally over at least, and the branches were budded with new leaves. Not enough to hide her fully if she took cover there; that would take another month. The evergreens were still brown at the tips of the needles, and they prickled when she hid in those boughs, plus the sap clung to her paws. Joss surveyed the terrain constantly, checking for threats or camouflaged enemies, but she found only remnants of the Gol camp and rubbish they’d dropped on the move.

  They left in a hurry.

  She followed vehicle tracks for a while, as those who rode in them would move faster than the grunts who had been left to trample a wide path on foot, but they all seemed to be headed in the same direction. Based on their lead time, it seemed unlikely that Joss would be able to catch up before they reached their destination, assuming it was close. If they made camp, she had a shot at prowling the perimeter and catching a hint of their plan.